The Interview From Hell
I had an interview with some guy (I forget what the questions were) and when he ran out of questions we just sat there for 5 minutes. He asked me, 'What do you want to do?' I responded by punching him in the face until his head exploded in a bloody mass.
The Invasion
I led a squad of marines against some aliens that were armed with cartons of rotten milk. Once I got shot in the arm by a laser but all it did was burn my skin a little bit.
It Said On His Throat, 'Insert A Lil Bit Of Stabbing Here'
I was in a library armed with a knife. I noticed there were people there, wandering around the place. I snuck behind one, put him in a headlock, and slit his throat with my knife. Yes, of course my knife. What do you think I would use? My fingers? Fingers are way too blunt. Besides, my fingernails aren't really that long anyway. Anyway, I stabbed a few more people too. I tore each of them a new ass through their throats. Steel cuts through flesh quite smoothly these days. Now as for the final one, I cut his head off. He could have run away when he saw me stabbing the other people, but no. He was too damn stupid to do so. So that's why I cut his head off. Because he didn't deserve it. I mean, what use does and idiot like him have of a cranium? Might as well let me cut it off and use it for a better purpose. Then I carved his face up with my knife. As a momento of a great victory, I placed his head on my knife blade. Yes, the knife blade, as opposed to the knife handle. Now I don't hate people who go to the library. I just happened to be hunting there in this murder dream.
